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Amherst News
January 2003

CLUB DIARY

Wednesday Meetings

28 January    
Speaker John Foster, a Rotarian    Subject - Malaria

4 February     
Business Meeting

11 February   
Our Speaker is William Richards, Bonhams

18 February   
To be announced

Service and Social Diary

23-4 January  
Collection for Volunteer Reading Help

12 February   
Scrabble at Rockdale.   Volunteers needed

6 March        
"Adventures in the Hop Field". Fund raising film show at  Bradbourne School

3 April
Stroke Awareness Day

Easter Week   
Medway  Club's  Handicamp

16-17 April    
Lille district contact Clubs event

23 April        
Charity Golf Day - major fund raising event

21-32May     
Reunion of European Clubs chartered in 1978

6 June
District Fun Day - fund raising for children's hospices in the south east

19 September 
Cyclo Sportif   - fund raising for Marie Curie Cancer Care

President Harvey

As 2003 recedes, I must record our thanks to Gordon for his efforts in arranging the Christmas party and Philip for arranging the excellent entertainment by Jazulikeit.    St Julians also put on a really splendid meal.

During the holiday break Bill's persistence paid off and he managed to sell the watch that had previously been donated to us.   We had not foreseen just how difficult it would be to sell but finally the internet came up trumps.   In the end a net price of £180 was an achievement and thanks to Jan's help we shall be able to double that amount.

You will recall that District Governor Dennis and District Foundation Chairman Noel launched an initiative to seek out specific need in India.    It is planned that 8 Rotarians will be travelling in pairs, at their own expense, to 4 different locations where they will be hosted by local Rotarians, not necessarily in particular comfort.    They will be shown slums and the poorest of villages and "hospitals".  

The intention is that the teams will come back with plans projects and ideas. They will be keen to speak to clubs. 

There were more applicants than places so Dennis has proposed a similar trek to Eastern Europe to see street children in Romania, destitution in Poland, and lawlessness in Bulgaria.   It will probably only be for one week, and in May. Anyone interested please contact Noel on 01 303 862 460.

Just before Christmas, Julie Barrett introduced us to Volunteer Reading Help and their most valuable help through 375 volunteers to, currently, 1285 children in 214 schools.    Their aim - confident children literate for life.   We have offered helpers for their collection outside Sainsburys on the 23rd/24th.

7 members very much enjoyed a Monday visit to Roubaix organised by Mike. Plans for ongoing contact visits are well advanced.   Mike reported that Roubaix are actively pursuing membership issues just as we are.

Our first outside speaker this year, Mattias Klaus, Deputy Cultural Attaché from the German Embassy, gave us a thoughtful and refreshingly frank address resulting in a lively question session and debate. Thanks to Graham Waldeck for arranging the evening and for chauffeuring Mattias

Harvey

Main Points of the Council Meeting 7 January.

President

-  Partners’ evening will be at Wildernesse on the 26^th June 2004.   Our invitation to Roubaix should be for the same weekend.

-  The District Governor is expected to visit on the 14 July.

-  Boots Soft Toys; will be delivered to Demelza House.

-  Thanks were recorded to Bill for his very considerable effort and persistence in selling the watch.

-  Henry Robinson Goblet.  It was hoped that the Tenterden Club would raid on an evening suitable for Bat & Trap to return the Goblet.

-  We should find some way to support the British Legion Poppy Appeal in 2004.

-  Chislehurst will be invited to raid us on the 19 May for Bat & Trap.

Treasurer.

-  Club A/c balance £2000, as Budget. Charity A/c balance £575.57,subject to some changes in reserves.

-  Payments were approved by council of £500.00 to Polio Plus/Foundation and £400 to Handicamp to support one able bodied and one disabled attendee.

-  A request has been received on behalf of a Sevenoaks resident who has been selected to participate in the Paralympic   World Bowls Championship in Kuala Lumpur in 2004.   Agreed to donate up to £250.

-  The Sail Training reserve be liquidated and returned to the current account.

-  Marmalade/ Foundation. Only about half the members had made a contribution to the Foundation ‘marmalade jar’ fund.   The President to    remind members.

International.

The annual meeting of Charter 1978 Clubs would be held in Lancashire this year. Mike will attend and would hope that other members of the Club will join him.

Fund Raising.

See below

Philip

Fund Raising Events Planned for 2004

To be arranged:

Clay Pigeon Shoot at West Kent Shooting School, Paddock Wood (a Thursday or Friday)

Bill.

Ron and Freda

Ron and Freda spent Christmas with their daughter in Spain.   On Christmas Eve they were kindly invited by one of her friends to a meal at their house.   They had a very enjoyable evening but it was a bit different….

I complimented Angel on his lovely house, which I knew he had built himself    He explained that he had been a builder but that now, owing to back trouble, he was unable to work.   "He's a lazy bastard"  beamed Maria,his wife, approvingly.

Although now back in Spain, Angel and his family had spent some years in Australia.   I suspect they would have been unable to afford the more affluent suburbs of Sydney, their place of residence, and had learnt their English from their neighbours- probably mainly dockers.

Consequently their manner of speech would not have been out of place at a stag night in a rugby club but was delivered in a purely conversational manner.

Spaniards tend to eat late but out of consideration for their English guests Maria had brought the evening meal forward and we were expected at 10 o’clock. I knew the meal would be large and elaborate so I had passed on lunch and by the time we arrived I was feeling quite peckish.

We were introduced to the family – daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter.  Also the matriarch of the house who, as Angel explained, was very, very old and really only hanging about waiting to die. This was all being explained as we were being greeted but as the old lady had no English she didn't take offence.   I hoped she would make it at least until the end of the evening, especially when I found out she was a couple of years younger than me.

We sat down to eat, Great Grandma at the top of the table with Angel and Maria. I was next to their ample daughter Laura and her husband Ralph.  The first course of two covered dishes was brought in to much ooo-ing and aaa-ing-in Spanish of course.   I was feeling quite hungry, until the lids came off - I can't eat shellfish of any sort and prawns, especially huge Spanish ones, I find quite revolting.

Nobody really minded since it was all the more for those who could eat them and Laura certainly could. She tucked in with great gusto even snatching some from Ralph's plate.   "Frigging luvley" said Laura stuffing yet another great sea slug in her mouth.

Ralph was a Nigerian, resplendent in his native costume.   Maria wasn't too keen on her daughter's choice of a husband.   Laura had been brought up a good Catholic girl only to bring shame on the family's good name by marrying a Protestant.

Wine on an empty stomach is not a good idea but since I had nothing else to do and Angel had given me my own bottle of Rioja as a consolation for not eating, I was working my way down it.

I thought Ralph was a bit quiet and since he was from Nigeria I asked him (I think it was the wine talking) what he thought about the Nigerian church splitting from the Church of England over the issue of homosexual priests. Not a good idea.

"Bunch of frigging faggots" said Laura.

Not exactly PC but refreshingly direct.   Ralph had his doubts about me now and told me in graphic terms exactly what he would do to a homosexual priest if he came across one.

By this time Freda, who rather unwisely had accepted a second glass of Angel's home-made wine in spite of his warning that it was "flaming strong",  was not taking too much interest in what was going on.   Just as well!   Ralph was using more expletives than a pop star at an awards ceremony.

It was a mistake to mention Iraq. That somehow led on to empire building and oppression of minorities. Emboldened by two thirds of my bottle of wine I mentioned the conquistadors and the Spanish Inquisition. What had started off as a polite conversational gambit was now being conducted at a positively damaging decibel level.

The turkey when it came was delicious and, as is the custom, once we had finished our meal we took our leave.

Going to bed straight after eating a substantial meal and drinking too much red wine is not conducive to a peaceful night.   My sleep was punctuated by dreams featuring colonial governors of dubious sexuality wearing huge pink prawns on their pith helmets,  slapping their thighs with their riding crops.

But that, as they say, is for another day.

Ron P

Scrabble

On 12th February we are having a Scrabble evening at Rockdale.

Names to Jim, please.

EXIT POLL

Just how useful are our interviews at Walthamstow Hall?    Following the recent event 69% (9 out of the 13) of the interviewees completed a survey with the following results.

88% found the timing about right and all found the questions posed satisfactory - neither too hard nor too easy - and that their views were listened to. 77% considered the experience very useful,  the remainder felt it to be useful.

Maintaining eye contact was easy for 66% but only OK for two others.   One interviewee found it easy to answer the questions whilst all others found it OK.  On the question of feeling relaxed, 2 found it easy,  whilst 7 found it only OK.   The greatest differences were revealed by the question about the ability to keep talking - 55% found it easy and the rest only OK.

Interviewees were asked about what they thought was the most important thing said to them and they responded: Find out (if possible) something about the interviewers, their interests and publications;  be prepared to answer ‘topical questions'.  If you are being interviewed - they want you there!;  be affirmative;  be decisive about career prospects;  try to start the interview with something 'punchy' to gain interviewers interest;  slow down!;  helpful to know that I looked nervous;  prepare more!  and be interested in the University.

What have you learnt from the process?

Interviews are not as bad as all that;  to think of longer responses to questions;  to prepare more; interviewers are not as bad as they seem to be - they are not aiming to 'catch you out';  importance of presentation;  to be confident and to think of questions to ask;  to do your best when answering questions and to prepare an opening statement.

Would you behave differently at your next interview?

Apart from the respondent who claimed: "No! I'm brilliant" others felt that they would:  speak slower;  relax more;  prepare more and find out about the University's (Department's) research work;  be more forthcoming; give more detailed answers; not babble and answer questions more directly.

When asked about difficult questions;  those relating to the course chosen;  equality in the work place;  about university teaching; where you hope to be in ten years time;  favourite courses; other hobbies;  best political systems;  the Euro and philosophy

And the questions that most easily led into a relaxed interaction of ideas?  Turkey and background;  talking about myself;  subjects studied;  involvements and responsibilities in school; preference for an active role in politics;  interest in specific subjects;  the book currently being read and extra curricular activities and interests.

Conclusions?   We would all have taken away personal impressions of the interviewees and the interview process and would have made - albeit subconsciously - mental notes as to how we might approach the task the next time around. These results can only add to that evaluation and the encouraging responses suggest that we are on the right track and go to show that we prove to be an invaluable resource to these students at the critical time in their education.

We seem to have got the approach just right and know that the process and we ourselves are not as scary or as daunting as we might appear!

Tony

A Cosmic Last Word

A man asked God “What is a million years like to you?”

“About one second.” said God.

“And a million pounds?”

“About one penny.”

“OK” said the man “So you can easily lend me just one penny?”

“Just a second.” said God.

Via Tony

Annual Amherst lunch-time visit to Roubaix-Est Rotary Club

Seven Amherst members went by car and tunnel to meet and discuss programme items for early 2004.  As always, the hospitality was great and arrangements went very  smoothly. 

Roubaix have similar problems recruiting new members and feel on balance that personal introduction is the only likely successful route.  We all have friends and neighbours and if we enjoy Rotary ourselves, why not  share it with friends !

After the next inward lunchtime visit from Roubaix we will be due for the planned two day visit to Lille in mid April, Lille being one of the 2004 European Cities of Culture. With the other 7 Lille area Rotary Clubs, Roubaix Est are inviting their ‘twins’ (ourselves and Cast near Dusseldorf) to stay Friday night 16^th April for the early start on the 17^th ‘Cultural Tour’ and reception. 

Travel and overnight (2 nights?) accommodation will probably be best arranged by ourselves and early work will commence on this by your International team.  Number commitments will be sought within the next few weeks !  

Please plan to join us! 

Mike

Evening meeting with Matheus Claus from the German Embassy

Members enjoyed an evening with Matheus Claus, Cultural Attaché at the German Embassy in London.

Married to a French wife and having 3 young children,  Matheus was a fine representative of the new Germany.  His first posting had been Warsaw and this second and recent arrival, 3 years in London.

Graham Waldeck had arranged this visit which quickly illustrated common ground and thinking with Germany and the growth of

the EU which I think must rely upon fuller participation by ‘the big three of Europe’ for success.  Without ‘the 3’ - as in past history - Europe is incomplete. 

Matheus’ task includes visits to British schools and colleges as well as Universities to encourage greater appreciation of German culture and language, faced with current British education policy which allows the dropping of language options at 14 years of age.- which we must surely all regret. He is a charming young man and we enjoyed his handling of questions with his answers.  He also hoped to learn from us and we did our best to respond with a diversity of views.

In the near future we will have a similar visit from the Brazilian Embassy, again arranged by the International Committee.

Mike

Membership Services Committee

Now that Christmas and the New Year are behind us we are looking to the programme for the second half of 2003/2004.

Having reviewed options for meeting members’ interests in both a Murder/Mystery event and Dinner Parties, we have decided to organise Dinner Parties which have a Murder/Mystery game as a theme. Many members have confirmed that had enjoyed such evenings.

Following the successful raid by the Catford Club, we have decided that we should pick a few Clubs and get Members to sign up to a raid. Catford is top of the list with Pantiles, Tunbridge Wells and Maidstone Riverside as other options; they are all evening Clubs.

Simon is developing the arrangements for a visit to the WW One Battlefields following the interest shown by members for this tour. It will be programmed for when we have the lighter evenings.

Harvey has chosen to have his Partner’s Night at the Wildernesse Club and this has been booked for Saturday, 26 June 2004.

We are also looking at other events which could include a BBQ.

Gordon

Success! By Bill

The watch donated by a friend of Colin Hook's (whose name I don't know),has been sold. The transaction took place on New Year’s Day and a net profit of £360 is in the process of being transferred to the club charity account.
As an aside - the man who bought the watch collects Chopper Bicycles.   You remember, those kids’ bikes with one small and one large wheel.

It seems that these are now much sought after and can fetch money in the region of
£1000’s.   If anyone has a Chopper bike that they are no longer riding and wish
to sell then E-bay or my watch-purchaser (I have his e-mail address) are worth considering.

Used Stamps

The other day I slit open an envelope and, as is my wont, removed the stamp to put in an old envelope to give to Don Ingram sometime.

I then removed the contents and read:

“Please remember your used postage stamps,  it is not difficult to tear off the corner of an envelope bearing a stamp, leaving a fair-sized border, and bring them to me.

Bring them to me in envelopes, bags or sacks and leave the rest to me.   I will distribute them to whatever charity wants them in bulk.

Don Ingram”

Ed.

A B C

your guide to current media terminology

Ambifootrix - Jonny Wilkinson's ability to drop goals with both feet.

Approximeeting - arranging to meet in a roughly-defined place at a rough time - the finer details can be sorted out when necessary via mobile phone

Bliar - epithet for the Prime Minister coined by some who might be thought to be his political friends

Bernard - anyone mildly ineffectual or comic, according to writer Richard Curtis who has a character named after Tory MP Bernard Jenkin in everything he writes, from Blackadder to Love Actually.

Chelsea tractors - four-wheel drive vehicles driven exclusively in a wholly urban environment.

Data smog - too much information, a new entry in the OED.

Cohlinisation - having a normal name but pronouncing it differently.

Desk-Yeti - similar to a desk monkey (someone who spends all day working) but rarer; in fact so rare they have never been seen.

Dogging - enjoying, either through interaction or observation, the love of two or more people in an open air environment.   "Usually in like woods or car parks or summat - they do it all using the internet and that," said an observer.

Embedded -  a journalist living and travelling with a military force.

Fauxmosexual - young, Beckham-like man, who in terms of grooming, style, sensitivity and culture appears to be gay, but actually sleeps with women.

Flash mob – participants in a brief fad for seemingly-spontaneous e-mail-organised groups who turn up somewhere, seemingly at random, and do a bizarre thing, then go back home to their computers.

Gallery zombies – people who walk round galleries or museums wearing headphone audio guides, seemingly oblivious to everything and everyone around them.

Ganfyd - get a note from your doctor, in situations where, for no apparent purpose, generally healthy people have been instructed to have their GP write a letter/complete a lengthy form to that effect.

Idiocracy - the fooling classes e.g. politicians and their spin doctors.

Intexicated - drunken text messages sent by the inebriated.

Jdammed - being set upon and completely demolished unawares, as with a stealth weapon [based on Joint Direct Attack Munition].

Kippers - kids in parents' pockets exhausting retirement savings.

Merror - (pronounced me-ror) - any reflective surface used by the vain to look at themselves.

Metrocentric - a world view formed by limiting one's contact with current affairs to free newspapers.

New Iraq - Blairite definition of that shattered country.

OBE-sity - the giving of honours to people with fat wallets.

Phishing - sending out cod e-mails to on-line banking customers, purporting to be from the bank and asking for confirmation of passwords and PINs.

Poxy moron - a person wearing a "Happy to Help" badge who isn't anything of the sort (typically a zit-covered shop assistant who has no idea where anything is).

Rate tarts - borrowers who transfer their overdrafts from one interest-free offer to the latest one.

Recreational Assistant - politically correct term for drug dealer.

Ski-ing - spending the kids' Inheritance.

Trilogitis - psychological condition of deprivation, associated with the conclusion of film trilogies.

Unknown unknowns - things we don't know that we don't know.   A common experience to most people in business, politics or, per Donald Rumsfeld, war.

Webinar - a seminar or meeting using audioconferencing and web connections for display of visual material.

Whatever - retort commonly uttered by 11-18 year-olds in response to parents' efforts at civilised conversation.

yellow bit, The -  an egg yolk, as defined by a “celebrity” in a Reality-TV programme.

From a collection amassed by Philip  . More later.