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Amherst News
March 2004
CLUB DIARY
Wednesday Meetings
24 March, Speaker - David Lloyd from RYLA
31 March, PARTNERS' EVENING - Speaker Rosemary Sassoon "Understanding Strokes"
7 April, Business Meeting
14 April, Speaker 'slot' offered to "Send a Cow"
21 April, Sevenoaks Volunteer Transport
Service and Social Diary
24 March, Speaker - David Lloyd from RYLA
31 March, PARTNERS' EVENING - Speaker Rosemary Sassoon "Understanding Strokes"
7 April, Business Meeting
14 April, Speaker 'slot' offered to "Send a Cow"
21 April, Sevenoaks Volunteer Transport
Harvey writes….
I was struck by Philip's report to the Club following his District meeting, to the effect that the whole emphasis on extension at District appears to be applied towards forming new Clubs rather than attracting individuals to existing Rotary Clubs.
The problem with that strategy is that as new clubs are formed some others will inevitably close. I think that the formation of new clubs has its place but as a means of long-term extension it is unsustainable within an area such as 1120.
Individual
motivation is the key issue. I do wish we could think of a way of sharing with
young men and women the feeling of complete fulfilment that comes with announcing
the conclusion of a successful fundraising evening, as I was privileged to do
at Bradbourne School on 6th March. I was able to join with Janet Bavin from Sevenoaks
Link for Hospice in the Weald in expressing our thanks. A full-house audience
of about 230 had enjoyed an evening of archive films of Kent generously and expertly presented by Barry Littlechild,
a retired BBC producer. They must have enjoyed it because they were happy not
only to pay the £5 ticket and contribute generously to the raffle but also to
drop an average of more than £1 per head into buckets at the doors on the way
out.
As for me, I even got pleasure out of stacking the chairs knowing that the evening
had been a success. If we could bottle and distribute that feeling we would
have people hammering at our door.
Thanks to Bill Brickell and Jan together with all their helpers. Thanks to Inner
Wheel for their ideas for the raffle prizes, and for the cake. Thanks for their
support to our friends from Catford, Edenbridge, Darenth Valley and Tonbridge Rotary Clubs together with Norman Jones our
Assistant District Governor.
So, there's the question - how do we market the satisfaction of a job well done?
Summary of the main points of the Council Meeting on 3rd March
Matters Arising and for Immediate Attention.
Amherst Ohio Travel Voucher: Colin Hook has accepted.
Sheltered Shopping: the Sevenoaks Club has agreed by a narrow majority to continue with this.
Henry Robinson Goblet: Tenterden Club will visit on the 17th March for the handover.
Poppy Appeal: a volunteer is required to administer the businesses in the Seal area.
Membership Services.
A disco has been booked for Partners’ Evening.
The programme for Ightham Mote appeared unlikely to appeal to the Club this year.
Community, Vocational & Youth Services.
The Scrabble evening was a success.
A vocational visit to the Whitechapel Bell Foundry is planned.
The Sevenoaks Ambulance is not available for Stroke Awareness Day.
There is a candidate for the Sail Training.
Fundraising.
A proposal for the Clay Pigeon shoot would be tabled at the next council meeting.
Cyclo-Sportif: the club would receive 10% of the net proceeds of the event.
District Fun Day: a doubt was expressed whether we had sufficient resources to run a stall in the ‘Boot Fair’ as well as the ‘Party Pentathlon’.
International.
Lille ‘Culture Visit’ – will go ahead, hotel booked, train or ferry by individual choice.
Euro 78 – The visit to Bolton le Moors poor response.
Emergency Boxes, 450 had recently been sent out, only one of them ours.
Philip
Charity Film Show
Following a frenetic seven days selling the last of the tickets, the Rotary Club of Amherst and the Sevenoaks Link for Hospice in the Weald jointly opened the doors at Bradbourne School to an audience of 230. Barry Littlechild presented the three hour show which was enjoyed by an audience from a very wide catchment area - Edenbridge to Maidstone and Catford to East Peckham. In addition to the film show, the raffle, bar, refreshments and display of hop picking artefacts made the show an enjoyable social occasion.
After the deduction of all expenses the total money raised was £1450 of which £1150 goes to Hospice in the Weald and the remaining £300 to the Club Charity account.
The success of this event was due to the combined efforts of the ladies of Sevenoaks Link and the club members of Amherst. A very big thank you to all of those Club members who bought or sold tickets, advertised the show, donated items for the raffle, helped prepare for the evening and helped on the night
THANK YOU!
Bill
Amherst –
Who and What We Are
Philip has completed a demographic survey of the Club. This has been at the request of RIBI who have made a similar request to all Clubs. I give below the results of our survey.
Average Age of Club Members 63.77 years
Average length of service 19.42 years
Age Split
40 – 50 2
50 – 60 7
60 - 70 11
70 - 80 10
over 80 1
Number of
members excused minimum attendance under the age rules - 16
As far as our Club is
concerned, the results confirm what we know already, that is to say, we need
a batch of younger members.
Thank you to Philip for doing this detailed work.
Ken A
A Quiz for the aging – identify the musical shows new and old
1. Antipodean ocean
2. Acid drops
3. Girl’s companion
4. Discovery of a satellite
5. I’m courting
6. She's not grieving
7. Uncover a vessel
8. Top embezzler
9. He takes the biscuit
10. Sounds like a children’s toy
11. Floor show
12. Dusk street
13. Give me a ring lady
14. Sovereign’s tune
15. Top Co-op
16. Not the oriental tale
17. Roundabouts and dodgems
18. Fellows and females
19. Threepenny piece
20. Radio concert
21. Windy City
22. Seen at Ascot
23. Not dogs
24. Corn grows as high as an elephant’s eye
Contributed by Harold
Celebration
The prescient will have noticed the close coincidence of Rotary’s Centenary and our own 300th edition. Minds are working in the direction of special Commemorative Editions and the like. But here’s a mea culpa by Geoff.
“So you think that this is the 290th Amherst Newsletter, just because of the big 290 on the front? That would be nice, since the 300th would appear in time to celebrate Rotary's Centenary, and it may be just that, but..go back to issue 165 (July 1993) in your leather-bound archives, where the then new editor was guessing how many (unnumbered) issues there had been since 105 had been produced five summers before. Answer, reasonably, - 60.
“Sadly, current searches in the Club files as we prepare for February 2005 suggest that that was optimistic. There are no monthly editions for September 1988 to January 1989 inclusive, nor for March 1989, and apologies from the editors at the time for missed months in July 1988 and September 1989; so eight months in all were missed in that period and as a result "165" should probably have been “157”.
“Unless you know better! Can you prove the existence of the "missing" editions from your own collection? They could be very valuable, but no forgeries please.
“PS We really have had some splendid articles from our members in our 282(?) issues - long may the tradition continue!”
* * *
Never mind, Geoff. If some editions were missed we’ll do what Pope Gregory did in 1582 and countless navigators before and since – accept that what is past is past and that where we are now is where we should have been.
January 2005 is Number 300!
Ed.
Significence
Last Wednesday a number of us were discussing the well-known phenomenon defined as “Executive Incompetence.” There are some high-powered people from business and the professions in Rotary but put them in charge of organising the elementary and they can flounder without their battery of support staff.
Coincidentally, Bill came up with the following, commenting on its topicality (is he thinking of the Fun Day?)
A major corporation hired a tribe of cannibals. "You are all part of the team now," said the Human Resources man [Me? Ed.] during the welcome briefing. "You get the same benefits as all our people, including use of the cafeteria; but I would ask you to be careful what you eat. Replacement of existing staff is an expensive burden on the P & L.”
The cannibal chief accepted this condition of employment and the tribe went off to their department and entered into their responsibilities with gusto.
A
few weeks later their boss called them together for a Progress Review and said
"You're all working very hard and we are very satisfied with you all.
But there is one thing – we haven’t seen one of our Secretaries today and we
wondered if you might know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook
their head – “No, guv.”
After the boss left, the chief cannibal turned on his tribe. "Which one
of you idiots ate that girl? Come on, one of us did and it wasn’t me!"
A hand rose hesitantly. “Sorry, chief, but it isn’t easy to break the habit of a lifetime.”
"You fool!!! We’ve got good jobs here and for weeks we've been eating managers and no-one noticed a thing. But now you have to go and spoil it all by eating someone whose absence they’ve noticed!"
Fund Raising Committee
Charity Shoot
- Projected Date Thursday 1 July
Designated Charity - Hospice in the Weald. We know that Hospice and West Kent
Shooting Centre at Paddock Wood have a good working relationship for these Charity
Shoots, and that shooters will respond to Hospice. Since this is our first
venture into Charity Shoots we feel the Hospice will give a strong element of
success.
If this works well in 2004 then we can try organising a shoot to support another charity early in 2005.
Administration.
Entry Fee £60 per shooter of which £30 is donated directly to Hospice.
Maximum number of Shooters 50.
Registration/Admin
- all carried out by the Shooting centre.
Raffle - monies raised to go to Amherst Charity Account
Amherst's role - on the day selling raffle
tickets (3-4 people). Prior to the event – advertising (shooting centre will
produce adverts/flyers), obtaining sponsors for raffle/competition prizes, selling
entry fees.
If the project is approved
by Council, the main effort would not start until 1st May which would give Amherst 2 months to complete their role and
make this event successful.
Bill
District Fun Day
Detling 6 June
The “Kent Messenger” has started its promised coverage with a news feature headlined “Hospices fun day planned for summer.”
It reported that the eighty Rotary Clubs in Kent and East Sussex have joined together to plan the huge fun day in aid of five South East children’s hospices. The event will be supported by The Kent Messenger Group and Charlton Athletic Football Club.
Further news will follow in the build up to the day.
Safety First
Our Man at Westminster Abbey reports that his arrival in connection with a Royal occasion created more than a small degree of perturbation. As his briefcase went through the security scanner much hell broke loose. Buzzers, lights, the lot.
“Put it through again” said the man. More buzzers, lights, the lot.
The scanner’s screen revealed the shapes of gun-like objects. Gingerly opening the briefcase revealed a couple of bananas.
Pseudoscience Corner
Have you been consulted about the plans to spend a lot of money to medicate the public drinking water supply? Why consult?
Homœopaths believe that the more dilute the treatment the greater its effect, to the point where usually not a single molecule of the "cure" exists in the ingested remedy. So everything is already under control.
The falling birthrate is caused by homœopathic levels of contraceptives in our water, (they're probably rather high for the best results though), our greater longevity is the result of perfect levels of the alchemists' elixir of youth, and of course there's already fluoride for our better teeth. So why spend money adding more?
Could one sue the sellers of homœopathic supplies for labelling them as though they contain anything but the inert support materials like sugar? I'm worried by the thought that the less alcohol I drink, the more drunk I become, but apparently the effect only applies if the active ingredient is mixed properly during its dilution.
If you want to believe something.……..
Geoff
p.s. Have you heard the one about the Club member who thinks that RIBI is a charity for the visually impaired?
Or the one about
Holy Orders
Dominic found his vocation in an Order which imposed a strict vow of silence (except in chapel, for necessary song and chants).
After five years in the monastery, Dominic was granted the privilege of an interview with the Abbot, provided he spoke two words only.
"Beds hard" he said. "It's the will of God" replied the Abbot and Dominic returned to his devotions.
Five years later he was granted another interview, on the same condition.
"Food cold" he said. "It's the will of God" replied the Abbot and Dominic returned to his devotions.
Five years later he saw the Abbot again. “I quit" he said. "It's the will of God" said the Abbot "and you leave us with His blessing. But I won't be sorry to see you go - you have been nothing but a troublemaker ever since you came here."